ICU Anonymous

Hello, my name is Hayden and I am addicted to the ICU. I am only 3 months old and have been in the ICU 3 times already.

This is me in the NICU right after I was born.

Here I am at 5 1/2 weeks in the PICU. This time around I really took my mom for a ride, literally. We had to take an ambulance from my pediatricians office because I was doing so bad. I had Double Pneumonia with RSV Bronchiolitis and a double ear infection with a ruptured ear drum. Mom didn't know I had RSV at this point because all my tests came back negative, but now that we are back here they told her that on my charts they listed me as RSV since I had all the symptoms.

Which brings me to now, 2 months later, here I am back in the PICU with RSV Bronchiolitis.

The Story :

Sunday night Matt and I were noticing that Hayden's cold (the first one since her last stay in the PICU) was starting to take a turn. We decided given her history that we would call her Ped. office the next morning. So I took Hayden in Monday morning and the dr (not our reg. dr. that we see and love) who saw us pretty much wrote me off as an over-protective parent and sent us home. Throughout the day Hayden continued to worsen. Through the night she started to run a fever, we were giving her breathing treatments and Matt stayed up with her for most of the night. Tuesday morning she was still showing signs of respiratory distress so I called the drs again. They told me to go to the ER. We went to the ER and the checked her out and said there wasn't anything they could do for us even though she was showing signs of respiratory distress. I was getting frustrated because she was doing everything that the PICU warned me about to take her to the ER. So off we went. And of course shortly after we got home she started to worsen. I was so confused and didn't know what to do. I didn't want to go back to the ER for them to turn us away again. I called the drs AGAIN (they all know Hayden and I quite well by this point, between the ambulance ride and the phone calls and visits) and they tell me again to go to the ER. I asked if I could come to them first to check her oxygen saturation levels, but they said NO that will take too much time she needs to get to the ER. I am an emotional mess at this point. I drop Carter off at my friends and we head to the ER. I get us in the waiting room, look down at her, and she is doing about the same as she was the last time. I knew they would just turn us away again. So after lots of tears and a phone call to Matt we decided not to pay another $75 just to be sent back home. I knew the road Hayden was on so I told the front desk lady I would see her in a couple hours when Hayden would be bad enough they would have to do something. Hours later she was doing horrible again. I called the urgent care to see if they would do anything for me and they said take her to the ER. I wanted to yell out, "But they won't do anything for her there!" Finally, Hayden stopped eating and was showing signs of being in the danger zone of not breathing and I knew the ER would HAVE TO do something so we were off again. I was getting so mad because after last time I promised her I would never let her get to the point she was at before. And she wasn't quite there yet, but too close for my comfort .

This time the ER responded to her right away, it doesn't hurt that she had a fever of 104. She was modeled and dehydrated and looking in real bad shape. Several of the doctors commended Matt and I for staying strong and bringing her back in. I was glad they were saying that but at the same time I wanted to yell at them and say, "But look at the shape she has to be in for you guys to take us seriously!" Right away they knew she would be admitted and started going to work on her. That night was very rough. We started on a regular floor but she was doing badly enough that we had doctors in and out all night long because they were worried about her breathing. They next morning she was smiling and cooing. They said they wanted to keep us at least on more night. I thought we will for sure be going home the next day (which is now today). I thank my Heavenly Father that they did not send us home. Last night we crashed again and they rushed her up to the PICU to get her on Hi-Flo oxygen. I did not realize it was as serious of a situation as it was until the dr who was with her rounded this morning and told about what horrible shape she was in and how "scared" (his word) he was for her. I am so grateful for those doctors and nurses who worked with her and kept her stabilized. They told me that she had been working too hard for too long and was too worn out. (Sound familiar?!) I am confused at how and why they allowed her to get to this point while she was in the hospital, but she is where she needs to be now and on oxygen now so that is what matters.

Hayden's status at this point is good. But with bronchiolitis it is a constant up and down. She has a pattern of doing well in the mornings and getting bad by the late afternoon/ evening. PICU wants her here at least through the night and then will re-evaluate.

Warning: do not keep reading if you do not want to read some Mommy bragging. This morning when her team of drs rounded on her, they were all loving on her and saying how cute she was. After they moved on, the attending dr came back and said that they had decided that Hayden beat out bed #27 as the cutest baby in the PICU. And since then we have had staff in and out of the room just to look at and play with Hayden.

Here's a video of my baby girl earlier today:

Once again I can't thank our friends and family enough for all the love, prayers and support. I especially want to thank those who have and will take Carter for so many hours to watch and care for him. We could never make it through all the whirlwinds of life without our loved ones all around us!